just

recently, i had frequent episodes of chest pain. i know that i should've gone to a check-up but i keep delaying things. this week is going be to so busy since im on ot rotation and will be having exam two weeks in a row so idk if i'll survive it but i just wanna put some things to rest now.

it's so strange that something that was almost like my vitals just a few years ago could be foreign so shortly, and that i know full well how to reverse things but i just don't.

that thrives off faith.

and i miss my little brothers. feeling homesick as an adult is the worst because the damage is always yours to flicker alone.

oh

it's the visceral guilt, fermenting into something else.