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the realization that i know so little about my brothers and that they don't know much either about me

medical journey #3

joined sign language programme as media committee today! thanks to adlipa who dragged amirah, ezrin, sarah, balqis and i to take part, otherwise i really can't be bothered. they're in logistics and programme bureau, though, and programme members got really nice pink lanyard - media's just ribbon red. the banners, bunting and slides template were my design, so i felt a bit proud seeing them on bigger-scale display.  

it was more fun than expected. bearable workload, though there were some hiccups in the process. we didn't reach our target of 60 participants, but 49 people signed up and there are even high schoolers among them. though, we had to stand by since seven in the morning and listened to a forum from otorhinolaryngologists from ummc and htar. the session is rather short as they list some deafness causes in medical perspective, from intrauterine infection like toxoplasmosis, mumps and rubella and age-related, to the existence of doctors who use hearing aids themselves. they also mentioned about monash advancing an app from the collaboration of their medical and engineering student.

the participants later played a basic sign language relay game (we dry ran it during rehearsal yesterday, basically hi, nice to meet you, i just learned sign language) and then had volunteers from rcdm - rc deaf missions malaysia. the rcdm director, ms agnes also came and interpreted as the volunteers signed on the stage. the director also discussed about how limited is the job opportunities for interpreters in malaysia, and that our healthcare is yet to be inclusive and accomodative to the Deaf community, in which the d is spelled in capital as a sign of acknowledgement. she rose issues like difficulty in booking and confirming appointments online, consultation with doctors taking longer time and the lack of privacy of the Deaf as they often had to rely on family members when getting health consultation. 

they also brought an interpreter along (which i deemed was very cool) and apparently her girlfriend also came to support her - the girlfriend walked back and forth to give participants the microphone and moved even more than we committees. i think it's even more challenging that we're using bahasa isyarat malaysia / bim but the speech is in english, so basically the interpreters had to juggle between two language structures - three if you count the signing, in a very fast pace. as the volunteers finished signing, another rcdm volunteer signed clap as a gesture of support. it's very intriguing as i never knew that clapping also has a sign. 

during ms kimberly's session, she picked a participant randomly to answer a question, but she was so taken aback that she couldn't answer properly. after the fourth session was over adlipa and i helped took picture of the participant and her friend, and we learnt that she wasn't a um student, and she left halfway after she cried due to the overwhelming feeling. also, the interpreter's girlfriend helped calm her down. my roommate said that the girl must have felt anxious as the setting was unfamiliar to her and that she could relate. 

i forgot how to do you're welcome, though... so when i returned the fifth speaker's pendrive, ms kimberly, she signed thank you and i just signed thank you back to her ㅠㅠ but that just felt really malaysian, though, reciprocating terima kasih with terima kasih instead of sama-sama. 

for the last session, participants were divided into groups with one person in charge each. i joined the group where the Deaf volunteers is an indian couple. the husband once had a heart attack with pain scale of 7, so they role played the situation with simple dialogues like how can i help you today?, chest pain, difficulty of breathing, from scale 1-10, 1 is good, 10 is bad, what medication do you take, please sit, doctor will see you soon. this session was the most beneficial and fun overall. 

the event thankfully sailed smoothly after a thorough preparation despite the shortage of manpower and some technical issues with the microphones. we even had free breakfast and lunch provided, not to mention yesterday every committee member who attended rehearsal got free zus drinks. not sure if this is p&c but the budget was huge since the sponsor (yes24) paid us in usd... my roommate says it amounted to about 10k myr. for tax relief or just their allocated budget i'm guessing. with that much budget, the participants also got complementary tote bag and sign language book. 

afterward we had photography session and cleaned everything up, and i was basically knocked out until six in the afternoon. 

this is only the first part, though. we have another two upcoming one and the second one will most probably be more intensive. i'll write again by then. till next time!

snip snip

my love, i'd fold and cut you felts

you and me both

it'll pass - from fleabag. your name echoes for so long in my veins. which could mean nothing. 

hey june

a firsthand heartbreak is the best mother of an epistolary

update

had aidiladha breakfast at sarah's house yesterday w amirah, balqis and ezrin. saw a few cows for qurban otw. ate nasi lemak, nasi impit, steamed brownies and kek batik indulgence brought by amirah's fam. watched colonoscopy twice today. about to watch ogds / egd but dr didn't show up and we had another lecture so we had to leave, in the meanwhile finding out my clinicalmate had fibroid adenoma resection surgery march last year. scrolling stan twt and stumbling upon a tweet about the fanboy who beefed with me earlier this year currently in icu. feeling so lazy to take bath. having a brand new pimple as i ran out of acne patches and my menses duration is way shorter this cycle probably because i drank two cans of kacip fatimah last week. my friends having exams and my result being ready but dean's office when it comes to releasing exam results has the speed of sloths. 

medical journal #2

today we have the second clinical of gastro block. i felt so guilty as no one volunteered and the same people had to step up (including my clinical leader). gonna study endoscopy consent form earlier so that i can volunteer next...

since the dr in charge to teach us today is a psychiatrist, we had to take history from a psych patient who also happened to be a doctor. everyone was strangely quiet and our dr was mildly frustrated. sometimes the patient chipped in his tips during the physical exam and he got bored midway so he just fell asleep. throughout the inspection, so many patients were peeking from behind the curtain, and a few patients were hovering around the ward. we actually signed our cex forms earlier... and there is only one person who hasn't gotten their cex forms signed, it's really a wonder why he did not want to volunteer. 

at the end of exam, he left his spectacles on the bed, so i had to bring it to him and called him but he was in a daze and i ended up getting rebuked by my doctor.

we reviewed back the session and one of my groupmates reasoned the silence because of our stigma and biases. he said, we're scared of asking questions that might trigger the patient's aggressive episode. like... why are you representing us... our doctor was shocked and said, would you think this if it were your girlfriend? boyfriend? parents or family members? 

another said that it's because the patient was normal (no gastrointestinal pathological symptoms), but in reality, some patient might not have every textbook symptoms upon checkup... so this should be a practice as well. 

actually, our patient had bouts of vomiting, little sleep and hyperactivity that affects his overall mood, so he was admitted under the diagnosis of bpd. he also mentioned that he had history of hypothyroidism upon clerking. then my groupmate asked if the patient can still be a doctor (he's a general practitioner) after discharge, and our doctor was like, of course. do you know how many of you (medical students) that i'm seeing? maybe this is why they send to you to us (psych department when the current block we're learning is gastrointestinal). to correct your preconceptions in other domains. think about it, our doctor said, would you stop your study when you're diagnosed with depression, a very treatable condition? the same goes with mania. 

reminds me of my groupmate who said serve him right to a hiv (appropriately, we should use rvd - retro viral disease) patient in a case after reading his sexual history of homosexuality. 

stigma from the medical practitioner who treat people themselves is the worst. 

feline

but a cat licks its own wounds