ent

this posting isn't always bad, but there are times when i feel that people are so horrible. most the patients, though, are really kind to us.

so this week clerked an indian uncle. we asked for his name and he went: jude. elyssa praised his name, saying it's beautiful, but the uncle laughed it off, citing that his name sounds like a girl's. we were like nooo it's like the beatles' hey jude!

the uncle was shocked that we know the song, he thought it was just his generation. hey jude is just that timeless... also, he let us do otoscope, rinne and weber on him 🥹 i hope his surgery today went well. will check on him in the ward again tomorrow morning :) 

petals

one year ago i went to a cafe and got an orange rose from a girl, now the dried rose still sits by my wall.

lost stars - adam levine

i do wish we still talk. 

so,

about penguin pebbling,

-

it's a constant cycle of high and low moods, alternatively. it'll be so nice if this is just on a whim. academic workload has stunted my writing progresses and i no longer find joy in narrating - it taxes my time and energy both. lately too, life felt so heavy that i had to hold my tears while laughing in front of people. i don't know anymore. it's distasteful, but i am alive. i have to make do with this blessing of a life when it has so much to offer, but what do i have to do when my tomorrows seem so bleak in my eyes.

it scares me so much that no one can pull me out this abyss but myself. 

if

if good deeds are like tokens to fortune. what will one do if it ever runs out. 

turmoil

i haven't felt this sad for a while. i wish i knew how to care for a heart this brittle, and not let the fear paralyse my steps. 

october

schedule for this week is pretty tight.

it's bio imaging week and class starts from eight in the morning all way to the one in the afternoon, and then another two hours of orientation briefing. one of my lecturers had a coccyx fracture due to falling from slippery floor (radiology department's air conditioner was leaking), and she was embarrassed to have a proper ct / mri scan in her own department so she just settled by diagnosing herself with x-ray. idk but the dr said it would be equivalent to urologist getting stones... yeah people do say that doctors make the worst patients.

we also had super lengthy radiation discussion around x-ray fatal effect, never proven, but speculated to be one of two millions. and funnily enough this other dr just made us grasp the fact that radiation effect doesn't relate entirely with distance but mostly how the exposure happens (more things blocking it?) so you get higher radiation as you climb mountains because there are less things blocking you from the sunlight.

then we are having batch photoshoot after class today and i have to rush to the airport since my brother is having six month internship in doha. the last day of the week will also be filled with ward tour with a senior since i'll be starting my surgery posting next week. if it weren't for the overlap, i would've just gone with my roommate who is one year above me... but yeah maybe everything is for the better. till then.