26.7.22

practical

qi wen brought us pastries (again). God bless her she's an angel <3

anatomy practical ended last week and we no longer have to keep the r95 face mask for 3-week usage, all to barrier the formalin that honestly stung our eyes. (and one of my groupmates said the cadaver smelled like milk).

we have physiology lab today, done otoscopy, the rinne and weber's test, and lastly audiometry. didn't know how to read the chart at first so i thought mine was really bad but turned out to be nash and i only had mild hearing loss lmao, we laughed when we saw natalya's, apparently hers had reached moderate. it's the price of continuously using earbuds on a daily basis i guess... 

15.7.22

!!!

in my spam era sooo

a lot of things? first meal at faculty of dentistry's cafe w the dk2 girls, free coffebot (again), hot chocolate caramel was nice previously, and apparently hokkaido milk tea is too. 

later in the afternoon, did mock osce with stage two students & my pblmates! feeling super dumb but some were nice about it. nervous as heck, but who isn't right... 

on the way back to college, i talked with one of my pblmates about how fun the concept of building (not literal) wall around us is, but at the end of the day it would end up trapping us back in the embodiment of loneliness.

i feel really touched that there is someone who can relate, and even cried about it with me, but i hope someday we'll grow out of our walls more and be more content with the circle we have by then, even though it won't consist of the same people anymore. 

12.7.22

lol

5th pbl today as student chair, well, tuesday things.

qi wen baked us crispy banana muffins (scrumptious af) & i brought the mangosteens my mom posted here. one of them was overripened and qi wen said "oh this one got necrosis"

cryin 💀

10.7.22

phase

i think if i were to sum up what i feel at this very moment, it would be saturation.

i've gone past burnouts, anxiety, stuffs. but now everything just feels numb, and i think the word saturation best describes it.

not wanting to do anything, not wanting to interact with anyone, binge eating and having thoughts of throwing them up afterwards but too scared of having cardiothoracic burn. attending lectures just for the sake of passing stage 1. laughing and joining hangouts just for the sake of bare minimum maintenance. not having anyone i cherish besides my mom and sometimes not even my mom. early surrender on love life and considering no marriage because i already planned out my career path although it still seems barely real now. being grateful for one second and ungrateful the next. 

thoughts like:

i wish i could be half of that

i wish i could seek comfort in cats

i wish i weren't socially awkward

hell, i want those begone if could. but no. 

like i'm running in circles, and at one point, i just don't know. even writing can't heal as much, like i'm immunocompromised. 

i'm saturated, that's it.

1.6.22

anew


my mornings recently start like, really early.

i walked for 15 minutes to the lecture hall from my residency college at 6.50 a.m., booked seats for my friends, had breakfast at medicafe. there is this one huge whiteboard where most people scribble freely, last week's a dinosaur doodle, this week barney and peppa pig cameo. some lectures felt long, some felt short. this week alone, there were already three alumni lecturers mentioning about how they were the back benchers back in their student days. the guy in front of me had a sunny smile and matthew verse at the back of his phone case. 

on monday we went to the hypertensive campaign to support my friend's clinical doctor, and after taking blood pressure reading we even got free coffeebot voucher to use at a nearby coffee vending machine. the hot caramel choc was really nice, and the cup was adorable because when you shift the cup holder the robot's face on it changed along. there was also special salt for hypertension patients sold at one of the booths, and posters about dash diet. we later discovered about homey, an organisation that provided affordable healthy meals for people at risk of hypertension, or diet attempters with a plan of 5/10/20 days. 

during one small gap of lecture my friend told me about how her clinical doctor actually skipped mo because he was offered to further a master's programme during housemanship and ended up being a specialist two years earlier than his peers, but with a 7-year-bond with our university. since we both are under the same scholarship that bonds us 5 year after degree ends, and the university is a government body, the 5 years is counted in the 7 years period, and honestly? that path sounds really interesting, more time-saving, and comfier than the hell that caused hartal. but the thing is, it sure isn't as easy as it sounds, and i don't know if i could ace it like how the admirable doctor did. 

yeah, i got four more years to fix things, hoping that i could survive this with my friends. 

and then the random airdrop thing. i was half asleep during the lecture last week when i accept an airdrop of a pink piggy doodle accompanied with a reminder don't sleep. just now i received another... it was a dog sandwiched by buns which, i suspected is supposed to be a punny meme of a hot dog. what else, during breaks there would always be kind people, like the girl who offered me and sufi pound cake for free. 

nice day, overall. 

after all it's wednesday and wednesday means, 

going seventeen day :) 

14.1.22

no one's here anyway

my eyes are heavy and my mind is telling me to hit the sack already.

yet i went here and repeated the same thing over and over again. pouring my heart cause i can, publish it, and archive it after a few days passed. 

my writings here are all one man show anyway.

an empty vessel just like me. 

1.12.19

!!!

spm dah habis!!!

granted the long-awaited three months holiday... now i guess, this is what retirement feels like. when you're fed with routine for such a long period, you'll feel like days of freedom is a life lacklustre.

nevermind, we'll discuss it later. so a few weeks ago (while i was still in my dear school) my classmate and i bumped into the star article which listed down some good flicks from japanese film festival. we had a mini hassle about who's going to keep the article. well she relented but no worries i snapped some pictures and sent it to her for reference.

out of 13 pieces, the title 'when i get home my wife always pretend to be dead' caught my eyes the most. i decided to watch it on telegram, and finished the movie approx 2 hours and less.

here's my fleeting review: so warm yet beautiful. it has like very few romantic words and i'm so mad amazed with the creative love expression shown by the wife, chie... so does jun. i think if you look at the title and discovered the answer around the 110th minute, you will treasure the existence of the movie more.

to my surprise it was based on real life from a 2010 yahoo! questions that gradually sprung into a song, a book, a comic and yes here a film.

pretty creative way of conveying morals 

guess japanese really love making titles out of questions whose answers lie along the story. like let me eat your pancreas or your lies in april...

6.9.19

larkin journal #1


five years ago, larkin to me was only significant with the infamous kacang pol cuisine. when i entered desa tun, the significance altered to the word 'terminal' since my friends who originated from outside johore would go there to take bus home, each long overnight outing.

this is a short tribute to larkin as for its undeniably large contribution to the community until september 2019, so, enjoy :)

the taman bunga raya / taman linear

in 2017, the pentaksiran tingkatan 3 (pt3) candidates were assigned with a geography task to study potential areas for furthering developments. we were grouped into four large groups and later divided into smaller ones. my group's study field was at taman merdeka. it was honestly so grieving seeing old images of the place when it was still lively with incessant visits from locals and tourists. as we came there, a huge part of the liveliness had disappeared from the closed kiosks to faded building paints and lesser visitors. the water fountain no longer spouted water embellished with iridescent lights at night. some hidden drinks stalls stood still, but with very limited workers and varieties, and a pretty long waiting queue. a few statues or buildings as well, was broken and devastated. the main lake was becoming more cloudy each day due to the peat soil. to recall it all, we provided some imaginative plans including building mini skating rink and so canoeing boats with lake-cleaning technology as introduced by utem if i am not wrong.

on the other hand, another group had to work on the brainstorming project of taman linear as known as taman bunga raya which venued right across our school.

the park had opened its doors to the public recently and received an encouraging feedback. it was full on both weekdays and weekends where people would only leave at dusk or come at 2 a.m. to jog. accomodated with playground, toilet, parking lots, praying room, food trucks and many more, the park had really changed face from its 2015 landscape. finally the awaited-for-months had ended, and the taman linear group was really proud of their ideas being transformed into reality, if so.

because as our geography task was revealed last time, emerged a hearsay saying that the education ministry conspired with the development ministry as their town planner ran out of idea lmao.

the zoo

during last year's school level kesuma (a three-day-and-two-night hostel house programme), the school sponsored some myr2 tickets to zoo johor for the participants. it was sort of an outreach slot, volunteering-based.

again, we parted into groups and i had to be in the group who would clean the huge cat's cage, yes, you guessed right. tigers.

so the entrance into the cage connected with the sunbears' cage. we got to see how the workers prepared the bears' food using a sack of hard buns and cans of condensed milk. the buns were crushed into bits, mixed with the milk and pipe water before served. i thought bears were supposed to be fed with fresh fish (?) other friends had to lift the super enormous elephants' faeces and also dealt with the nasty chimpanzees trying to reach their face as they enter the open cage.

we also stopped by the food stalls, and to no surprise the price was quite costly. even the simple thumb-sized keychain was priced myr7. i have heard that the zoo was way livelier during the reign of the late sultan iskandar as his majesty was cited as an animal lover. however the cages then looked so lousy and dull with its animals appearing thinner than the ones you saw seven to eight years ago. still, the thin tiger's roar still scared me to the bone as it literally roars next to my left ear (the passage to the open cage is so narrow that could only fit two people of my size).

to reason to this, many local zoos are now lacking of fund, if you read some sunfloweraidil's tweets or any other informations. from my seeing, most of zoo johor's visitors were europe, arabic or indonesian citizens.

in one of my interviews, i met a chinese boy aged fifteen or fourteen. his mother was well-responsive since she insisted on her son improving his malay, but the boy profusely refused to speak malay, so we just went on using english.

all in all, johor bahru my city of birth - is such a beautiful and deadly place. it has so much to proffer from a promising finance to higher level of living. though i don't live here in my first twelve years of living, the memories and views i've captured during my times in desa tun is just priceless.

this is all for now :)